I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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