He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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