Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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