I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
