Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
