Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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