I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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