Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
