Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
