I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
