so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
