I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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