I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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