Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
