Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
