I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
