Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
