One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
