Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
