i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize