walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
