I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
