even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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