is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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