My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
