so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
