I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just google imaged poop.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
