you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
