Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
