Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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