just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
