My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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