im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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