he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
