When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
