what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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