We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
