i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize