I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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