if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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