ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
