I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
