They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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