I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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