my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
