Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize