hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
