Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
