so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
