guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize