Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
