Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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