just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
