My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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