East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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