Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
