I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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