i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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