I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
