I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
