Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
