Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
