There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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