More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We have so much sex to catch up on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
