someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
