real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
