so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
