its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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