so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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