why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
