Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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