please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
