I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't put those talents on a resume
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
