My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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