Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
