Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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