Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
