then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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