the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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