So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
