Say something about gay babies.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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