they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
