I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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