Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
