Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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