My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
